Narration of a Mystical Experience of the Master Concerning the Death of the Ego
Recorded as a dialogue with attendees at the 1976 Congress in Guadalajara.
Student: Master, perhaps, if possible, using an example from your own life, from some occasion when you experienced the disintegration of a defect, primarily through the process of comprehension. That is precisely the point where we find ourselves blocked. So I will now hand the microphone over to V.M. Samael, so that he may answer us regarding what is called “the absolute comprehension of the Ego”; that which we do not understand when it is said: “To grasp the profound significance of a defect,” because that is exactly where we are stuck. Venerable Master, I leave it to you…
Master: Well, we have heard the words of our Dominican brother. Frankly, his question has surprised me greatly. It has surprised me because I have already written three books on this very subject. The first, The Mystery of the Golden Blossom; the second, with an exact didactic explanation on the dissolution of the Ego, Treatise of Revolutionary Psychology; and the third, which has just been published, The Great Rebellion. Therefore, upon hearing this question, I could not help but be surprised! Have our brothers from the Dominican Republic perhaps not become acquainted with these three works? Have you read them?
Student: Venerable Master, we have studied those works. In fact, I know that many of us are putting them into practice. However, there are certain details, little threads, certain points that we are unable to grasp clearly. That is the great problem. For example, speaking on behalf of all of us, I know we have worked on certain defects. We recognize them, we try to study them, we try to grasp their profound significance, and then those of us who are married work on them with the Arcanum A.Z.F. Yet there still remains within us a certain concern, let us say, a certain uncertainty as to whether we are working correctly or incorrectly on those defects we have already studied. We would like you to enlighten us with a specific example, whatever it may be, of the disintegration of any defect…
Master: Certainly, and I shall now explain it to you.
Today I mentioned part of an experience I lived through, but now I wish to answer you by telling it in its entirety.
I am going to repeat and expand upon what I narrated a little while ago during the meeting we had here:
Many years ago, in truth, I repeatedly failed every test related to Chastity.
It so happened that in the Physical World I had achieved complete control over my senses and my mind, training them so thoroughly that, for example, I never looked at pornographic magazines, nor did I ever gaze upon obscene pictures. I learned to look at the opposite sex only from the waist up, never stopping to observe the shape of the calves or anything of that sort, which men so enjoy contemplating in such detail—or, to be more frank, with such persistence.
Thus my senses were completely disciplined. If you observe the way I use my eyes, you will realize they are well trained. Naturally, under these conditions my chastity, as far as the Physical World was concerned, was absolute.
I also trained my speech in an extraordinary way. I never allowed a single lustful or double-entendre word to escape from my lips, and so everything appeared to be in perfect order. Yet in the Higher Worlds of Cosmic Consciousness the situation was very serious—extremely serious.
I was subjected to rigorous tests of Chastity, and I failed them despite all my systems of psychological control, despite all my psychological “judo,” despite all my techniques.
All it took was for them to place before me something as simple as a broom dressed in a skirt, and immediately I would go after it. It could have been an ugly old woman—it made no difference. The important thing was that she was wearing a skirt. The situation was truly grave.
I felt deeply saddened.
I resorted to Krishnamurti’s method of “Integral Comprehension and Discernment.” My meditation practice was profound. I tried to discern the process of lust, the process of desire. I wanted to understand in order to eliminate it, but everything proved useless. After spending an entire day engaged in intense inner work, I would once again fail the tests of Chastity. For that reason, I suffered terribly.
I do not deny that I even imposed severe discipline upon myself. There came a point when I even whipped myself. Yes, I would take a whip and strike myself, punishing the beast. But that poor beast turned out to be stronger than the whip itself, and the whip accomplished nothing. So there was nothing left for me but to suffer.
Well, one day, as on so many others, I was lying on the floor in the supine position, with my head facing north, deeply absorbed in meditation, intending to discern and understand the process of lust at every level of the mind. It was a completely Krishnamurtian method, combined with that severe monastic practice of even whipping myself.
I became thin and haggard. I had no sexual relations of any kind whatsoever, so my abstinence was absolute. Under such conditions, I should have emerged victorious in every test of Chastity. Yet everything remained futile.
As I lay there—as I have said—flat on my back, with my head facing north, immersed in profound meditation, something extraordinary happened to me. It was a tremendous experience.
My concentration became extraordinarily deep, and then I left my physical body. Once outside my dense physical form, I found myself inside an elegant apartment…
Not in a temple, precisely, nor in some monastery with gaunt, ascetic old clerics—nothing of the sort—but rather in an elegant apartment, worshipping a lady, embracing her ardently, and fifty thousand things of that ilk… it all happened in seconds.
Once I returned to my physical body, I felt utterly disappointed (and may Mr. Krishnamurti forgive me—may he kindly pardon me, for he is a Master. I am not against any Master, but frankly, his system did not work for me)…
I was left in a state of confusion, perhaps the same state in which you now find yourself regarding the dissolution of the Ego. That was exactly how I was: neither moving forward nor backward. The final result: zero.
What was I to do? The situation was serious. There was nothing left to do. Quite simply, I was disillusioned. Every system had failed me.
Fortunately, I received assistance…
Upon arriving at a Temple, I encountered a Guardian of the Sphinx.
There he stood at the entrance. I was very happy to see him because he was an old friend of mine.
Looking directly at me, he said:
“Among the group of brothers who worked in the Ninth Sphere and who, after having worked there, presented themselves at this Temple, you are the most advanced; but now you are STAGNANT.”
Those words filled me with dread. I, striving with all my strength to advance, and now the Guardian tells me this? Good Lord! And all because of those poor “old women”! So I replied:
“Please tell me, why am I now stagnant?”
He answered:
“Because you lack love.”
My astonishment reached its peak. I believed I loved humanity, and I told him so.
“I have written books. I work for humanity. How can you say I lack love? Is it not out of love that I am working?”
He replied:
“You have forgotten your Mother. You are an ungrateful son, and an ungrateful son does not progress in these studies.”
That was even worse. I, an ungrateful son? I who had loved my poor earthly mother so dearly? And now I was being called ungrateful! Had I forgotten her? No! She had passed away! How could I possibly find her again in the Physical World? All these thoughts crowded into my mind.
Nevertheless, I entered the Temple, and he did not prevent me from entering. Once inside, he continued:
“I am telling you this for your own good. Understand it. You must seek your Mother.”
I replied:
“But she died. Where am I supposed to look for her? Where is my mother?”
The Guardian continued:
“You have not understood what I am telling you. Why do you ask me where your Mother is? Do you not know where your Mother is? Is it possible for a son not to know where his own Mother is?”
I answered honestly:
“No… I truly do not know.”
He simply replied:
“I tell you this for your own good.”
Then I said:
“Very well. I shall try to understand what you are trying to tell me.”
I took leave of the Guardian.
Several days passed, and I still could not understand his words. How was I to search for my mother? She had died! Where could I possibly find her? My poor mind entertained countless conjectures until, one day, a light suddenly went on within me.
“Ah! Now I understand!” I exclaimed. “The Guardian of the Temple was referring to my Divine Mother Kundalini, the Fiery Serpent of our magical powers! Now I know! I shall concentrate on Her.”
Once again I lay down on the floor in the supine position, my head toward the north, my body completely relaxed, immersed in profound meditation, but this time praying to my Divine Mother Kundalini.
As I prayed, however, the same concern kept returning:
“What if I end up in another apartment again? Good gracious!”
That thought lingered while my concentration grew deeper and deeper.
Suddenly, She—Devi Kundalini-Shakti—drew me out of my physical body and took me to Europe, to Paris.
Once there, She led me before a great Palace of Karma.
The courtroom was crowded. Several officers of the Law accompanied me.
“Well, well,” I thought, “look at the trouble I’ve gotten myself into because of all this!”
The officers escorted me down the center aisle of the hall until we reached the judges’ bench.
The Judge seated in the center opened an enormous book and began reading aloud some of the misdeeds I had committed during the Middle Ages, during the period when I was a fallen Bodhisattva, in those days when the Catholic Inquisition burned people alive at the stake.
I had completely forgotten those romantic escapades worthy of Don Juan Tenorio and his companions.
After reading the karmic record—the account of those unfortunate romantic actions—the Judge pronounced sentence.
Death.
“Oh,” I thought, “things are even worse now. So all my labor for humanity in the Physical World has been of no avail! Look where I have ended up!”
I waited to see what would happen next.
The Judge summoned one of the Executioners of the Law. (In ancient Egypt there were two such Cosmic Executioners.)
He ordered the executioner to carry out my sentence immediately.
What could I possibly do? I stood there, a poor fool before those awesome Lords of Karma.
The Executioner unsheathed his Flaming Sword and slowly advanced toward me.
At that moment I felt completely disillusioned.
In a fraction of a second countless thoughts passed through my mind.
“So much suffering… so many struggles for humanity… so much effort to transform myself… writing books… giving lectures… and this is the outcome? What sorrow! All my labor for humanity has been in vain.”
I felt utterly defeated.
The Executioner continued advancing slowly, sword drawn.
Just as he was about to pierce me with it, I suddenly felt something moving deep within myself.
“What is this?” I wondered.
At that very instant I saw a monstrous creature emerge from within me through the thirty-three gates of the spinal column.
I observed it carefully.
It was a psychological aggregate, the ego of lust, one that I myself had created through a romantic and sexual mistake committed during the Middle Ages.
Now I stood face to face with my own creation.
The monster assumed the form of a beast—a horse.
Then something extraordinary happened.
Instead of directing his sword toward me, the Executioner turned it toward the beast.
To my astonishment I watched as the creature plunged headlong into Tartarus, into the Infernal Worlds.
The Guardian had delivered it to the Realm of Pluto so that it might be disintegrated there.
Immediately I was freed from that infernal psychological aggregate.
When I was afterward subjected to new tests of Chastity, I emerged victorious—and continued to do so. Never again did I fail.
From that day on, I attained complete Chastity.
Having witnessed the extraordinary results obtained through the work with the Divine Mother Kundalini, I said to myself:
“This is the true method for disintegrating the egos.”
From then on I continued working with my Divine Mother Kundalini on many different psychological aggregates.
Through the faculty of Psychological Self-Observation, I was able to verify for myself how She worked and how She progressively disintegrated the various inhuman elements that we carry within.
Thus, the path to the disintegration of the Ego is achieved through the Divine Mother Kundalini-Shakti.
Later on, I came to the conclusion that within ourselves there exists a Psychological Moon with two sides: the visible side and the hidden side. Just as the moon in the heavens has two faces, so too does the psychological moon that exists within each of us.
The visible side of the Psychological Moon is related to those psychological aggregates, or defects, that are readily apparent. However, there are other psychological defects that never rise to the surface, defects of which we ourselves remain completely unaware. These belong, so to speak, to the hidden side of the Psychological Moon.
By working with the Divine Mother Kundalini—without sexual contact—I managed to disintegrate the defects on the visible face of the Psychological Moon.
Later, however, I had to confront the Initiation of Judas—the Passion of the Lord. Upon reaching those heights, I discovered psychological aggregates so ancient and so deeply rooted that it became impossible to eliminate them without appealing to the Ninth Sphere, without descending into Vulcan’s Flaming Forge.
That is exactly what I did.
I descended into the Ninth Sphere to continue the Work, and through Transcendental Sexual Electricity, wisely directed by the Divine Mother Kundalini, I succeeded in disintegrating many psychological aggregates whose existence I had never even suspected. They were within me, yet I never imagined they were there. Had anyone told me, “You possess such-and-such a defect,” I would honestly have denied it.
Thus I came to know all these things, and as the result of these studies and experiences I wrote The Mystery of the Golden Blossom, later Revolutionary Psychology, and afterward The Great Rebellion.
What is truly required is to observe oneself from moment to moment.
People readily accept that they possess a physical body because they can touch it and see it. Yet many refuse to understand that they also possess an individual psychology.
The moment one accepts that one has a psychology, one naturally begins to observe oneself. And when one truly begins the practice of self-observation, one inevitably becomes a completely different person.
Through Psychological Self-Observation, practiced from instant to instant and from moment to moment, we discover our own psychological defects.
These defects emerge spontaneously during our interactions with others, and if we remain alert and vigilant—like a sentry standing watch during wartime—we are able to perceive them.
A discovered defect must be fully comprehended, at all levels of the mind.
One comes to comprehend a defect through the practice of Meditation.
Now, to arrive at the profound significance of a defect is not something for beginners. That belongs to those who have already begun working upon the hidden side of the Psychological Moon.
For now, be satisfied simply with understanding the defect. Once it has been comprehended, invoke Devi Kundalini, your Divine Cosmic Mother, and pray that She may disintegrate it.
Several sessions of inner work are usually required before a particular psychological defect is completely dissolved. Sometimes it takes only a few days; at other times it may require months of persistent effort.
Naturally, the process becomes much easier when the work is performed in the Ninth Sphere, because the power of Devi Kundalini is then reinforced by Transcendental Sexual Electricity.
In that way, a defect that might otherwise require six months or even a year to eliminate may be dissolved in a month, in fifteen days, or even within a single week while working in the Ninth Sphere. There one must earnestly implore Devi Kundalini to pulverize the particular error.
I speak to you on the basis of direct psychological experience.
For thirty years I suffered greatly while disintegrating the psychological defects belonging to the visible side of the Psychological Moon. I also suffered greatly while working upon its hidden side. But I succeeded.
In the name of Truth, I no longer possess inhuman psychological aggregates.
The One who now speaks before you is the Being—and nothing but the Being.
My thoughts no longer arise from any ego, because I have no egos.
It is the Being Itself that speaks directly to you.
That is all.
Samael Aun Weor
Now let the questions continue, for we should answer them all—and forgive me for saying “well” so often; after all, we are in the land where everyone says “well” (Guadalajara, Jalisco).
Very well, who will speak next?
Whoever has a question, please come to the microphone.
Student: Venerable Master, for exactly twenty-six years now—I believe it is a psychological defect created by my own mind—I have had the following experience. At home in Santo Domingo we sleep under mosquito nets because there are so many mosquitoes. Whenever I lie down, I see many spiders crawling across the mosquito net, and also birds with long beaks that seem to come toward me as though they wanted to attack me.
Master: We cannot hear you, brother. Please bring the microphone closer to your lips.
Student: Yes, exactly twenty-six years ago, on May 30, 1950, a crisis began in my mind. Every time I lay down, my brain entered something like a nightmare. While looking at the mosquito net I could clearly see hairy spiders, and also birds with long beaks flying toward me as if they intended to wound me.
Two nights ago the experience became even more intense. It happened here in the hotel. I saw a man trying to pour something into my ear while I struggled with him—it all occurred in a dream. I called for help from a friend sleeping in a nearby bed, and then I saw another figure emerge—a black monkey.
Could you please explain why these things happen to me?
Master: Very well, brother. I shall gladly answer your question, although it concerns an individual matter. I hope the next questions will relate to the organization and development of Gnosis in the United States, Puerto Rico, and Santo Domingo. Nevertheless, as an exception, I shall answer.
Those spiders are psychological aggregates that personify skepticism and materialism. They clearly indicate that in a previous existence you were a great skeptic, an unbeliever, and even in your present life you have not been particularly inclined toward faith.
As a consequence, those dreadful spiders exist within your own mind, created by yourself.
As for those ominous birds with the long beaks, they too are creations of your own mind—egos born of skepticism and materialism.
In your present life you must disintegrate those spiders and those birds of mental materialism.
To accomplish this, you must work diligently upon yourself.
Pray earnestly to your Divine Mother Kundalini, asking Her to destroy those spiders and those ill-omened birds.
You yourself created them.
They are the inevitable result of skepticism and materialism.
Faith will naturally arise within you once those dreadful spiders and terrifying birds have been destroyed.
Well then—but this time, please do not ask me any more purely personal questions.
Samael Aun Weor
Narration of a Mystical Experience of the Master Concerning the Death of the Ego
Recorded as a dialogue with attendees at the 1976 Congress in Guadalajara.
